Troll Brev.

overcoming spiritual exhaustion and capitalism

Hello!

One of the things that is absolutely beautiful about being a pagan is that cycles are sort of naturally built into our faith. Cycles, circles, spirals are all very natural, an incredibly grounding force in the spiritual life. Paganism does not require you to constantly improve, moving forward in a straight line toward your ultimate enlightenment, and never stumbling.

Let's leave that alone.

This understanding is really helpful for me now, as I attempt to get back into my practice. Nothing is truly finished, and while I may have taken a detour, I'm still me and I'm still a witch.

Now comes the fun part of healing: re-enchantment

When I was in Salem last week it really struck me that the world is a funny, magical place and that I feel lucky to be here.

It was while I was in between sessions, walking to get coffee, laughing with online friends in person, and in the small moments of travel that I realized the warmth I felt in my chest was actually a sense of re-enchantment.

In an earlier letter I wrote about how dealing with toxic teachers has impacted my life and practice. I wrote about disillusionment, about the inability to move on from the feeling of deep wrongness that came from it. That post is not a public one - it was a post that was shared with the newsletter list, and I still feel self-conscious of it for a lot of very good reason. (I have reposted it on my Patreon if you are curious.)

Interestingly enough, in that original piece I never wrote about the idea of disenchantment, though that is an almost literal word for what I was going through. There is of course the obvious meaning for disenchantment, which is a feeling of disappointment about someone or something you previously respected or admired. But then there is a more philosophical underpinning to the idea of disenchantment, and it kind of gets to the vulnerable heart at the center of a lot of my work.

To put it (very) simply: Disenchantment is a phrase that is often used in the social sciences to describe the cultural rationalization and devaluation of religion apparent in the "Modern" era. The term being used this way actually goes back to a 1920 book by Max Weber called "The Sociology of Religion," but that is not my primary source for this essay. Notably, Weber didn't necessarily posit that disenchantment was positive or negative - simply that it's a state of modern living.

When I first learned about these theories and ideas it was deeply intuitive to me that Capitalism is a dis-enchanting force in the world. This was so intuitive that I took it for a given that the literature surrounding dis-enchantment would deal with the fallout of capitalism.

I think we're seeing something unique in the spiritual business community in that people are being so intensely pressed into overworking themselves spiritually that many people are becoming disenchanted with what should be a very magical life. A lot of people are feeling burned out, lonely, and on the verge of quitting all together.

That is a feeling I know intimately from my time in burnout hell. When you're having a hard time making ends meet and you need to try to attract as many clients as possible, it can be hard to take a deep breath and recognize the incredible work we get to do as practitioners. I've been trying to stop and take a deep breath in between clients and just remind myself that I get to help people for a living - and I specifically get to help people through spiritual counsel. Keeping that in mind has helped me to re-center myself, as well as understand the energy levels that this work takes. It is impossible to keep the soul of our work present and healthy while we are fighting the constant need to industrialize it in order to make ends meet.

That takes a toll on the body, mind, and spirit. When I'm living in this level of pressure, I often feel physically ill. My spirit will try to pin me to my bed, make me unable to function normally until I have to take what is called a "mandatory lazy day." But even that doesn't stop the existential dread from creeping in.

And exhaustion at this level leads to disenchantment, which further separates us from the spiritual tools that can help us. Things like cleansing, ritual baths, cord cutting, protection, and hallowing are really important, but when you're in the weeds and not able to rest, you may find yourself getting confused and unable to discern what kind of spiritual upkeep and assistance you need.

One of the operating factors of capitalism is individualism; we are pitted in competition against one another.

But there is enchantment in community.

And that's something that the Salem Witchcraft and Folklore Festival reminded me of. I'm going to be vulnerable for a minute here: I was worried that people would be really clique-y and judgmental. I had a lot of fraudy feelings going into this week, worried that my work isn't good enough or doesn't stand out enough. But honestly everyone was so lovely and I felt seen in a community for the first time in a long time.

Of course, there is a lot of tourism in Salem, but there's also a lot of general strange stuff that is really fun. And honestly being in a city that lives and breathes witchcraft was really refreshing. There is truly so much to be said for engaging with your community and being physically present with people who you connect with.

One of the highlights of meeting people in person was talking about the things that they get excited about in their practice. Enthusiasm is contagious. It's almost as if enthusiasm is one of the primary protectors against disenchantment. I love the Salem Witchcraft and Folklore Festival specifically because there are people who attend who are from very different backgrounds from my own, and so it's a lovely cultural exchange, which then gets me curious about how certain metaphysical things work in other cultures.

I went to Salem excited and nervous, and I left Salem feeling deeply empowered and ready to do the work.

And while I get back to work, I need to strengthen my own spiritual core. I need to find ways to sustain my fascination and love for these practices, to get curious and love showing up for the work.

I want to be proactive this time about how I manage and maintain my spiritual connection to my business. I want to find a happy medium, where I'm working with enough clients and students to be busy, but not needing to take on so much work that I'm burned out. And this is part of community life too - knowing when someone seeking spiritual counsel might actually be better served by a different practitioner, and having a list of referrals ready.

But I also know that this is more than a business for me. It's a personal calling, and it is my own support in these difficult times. So I'm definitely keeping certain aspects of my practice to be just for me.

In doing this, I feel like I have my own secret magic that I can do in the world.

All in all, I'm in a season of deep re-engagement and ecstatic connection with my practice. Things are new, and growing, and changing, and they are so very very good. And of course, the enchantment isn't just for my spiritual life. It is for ALL aspects of my life.

Re-enchantment is a sacred practice.

Here are some mundane things that I'm doing to support this process:

Follow my curiosity. In the past I have tried to force myself to prioritize learning and curiosity within my areas of expertise. I'm thinking much more holistically about the things I want to study.
Experimenting behind the scenes for Lore. I absolutely love the research + development phase of ritual supply design. I've got some oils, a cream, and more ritual baths in testing mode right now and I am so eager/impatient to see how they turn out!
Going back to the gym and dedicating my workouts to Mars, while also attending physical therapy. It may come as a surprise, but I'm actually a fairly physical person. Chronic pain has slowed this down, but I'm hoping that pairing physical therapy with my own workouts will help make this more worthwhile. The gym energizes me so much! I love it!
Hanging out on Tumblr. And no, you cannot have my username. I've decided Tumblr is where I go to be an anonymous goblin on the internet.
Engaging with music in new ways. I've been challenging myself to try listening to genres of music that I haven't listened to in a while, or simply that I've never listened to to begin with. It's been really fantastic! It scratches a curious part of my brain that gets me thinking about other parts of my life in a different way.

What do you do to remain engaged with your life and practice? Are there some things that always leave you feeling refreshed? Respond to this email and tell me!

I am here in service of re-enchantment, of reclaiming that power and delight in the magic of the world.

Siri Vincent Plouff

This Week's Top Three:

+ This newsletter from Jeanna Kadlec about discernment

+ This two part podcast series about Joan of Arc. My GIRL.

+ Lately I've taken my archivist ways to my music collection and started actually re-uploading my cds into my iTunes. This is all in preparation for building my first iPod and I am having such a good time.